


Spectrum

by dindindin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mikasa-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dindindin/pseuds/dindindin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mikasa finds out, she has no idea how to feel. Angry? Sad? Betrayed, even? And she knows she shouldn’t be, but she can’t help but be jealous that he is able to make Eren complete, to make him feel something else than hatred for the titans, when she wasn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spectrum

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first upload here and I'm kind of nervous and it's probably really shitty but hey. It's Mikasa-centric, with side-note of a bit of RiRen fluff.

When night arrives, the castle seems to have fallen asleep as well. Conversation has died down to the bare minimum (“It’s cold, do you think there are more blankets?”) and the hallways are eerily dark, the only light coming from a few candleholders spread randomly. Most people respect the night as being a time meant for sleep, and sleep only. During duty, you want to be aware of everything.

Mikasa sprang up, sweat making her flimsy clothing cling to her like a second skin and making her hair fall down rather unattractively. A nightmare. It’s been years since she was last awoken from a night’s rest by memories.

 _Eren,_ is her first truly conscious thought.

She’s distracted and unsure and she really needs to be reassured that Eren killed those guys, that he didn’t die himself -- that if she goes to his room he will be in his bed, sleeping. She _needs_ to know that he’s there.

Wrapping her trademark scarf around her neck and grabbing some sandals, she sets out, careful as to make no sounds. There’s no need to wake up anyone else for her own insecurities.

A feeling of dread tumbles around in her stomach, wilder and wilder the closer she gets. Instead of knocking (which she would’ve done at any other time, but it was night, there was no need to knock), she opens the door. Some people preferred locking theirs, but Eren’s not the type. For all the things he had experienced in the sixteen years of his existence – pain, sorrow, death, murder - he was still oblivious to many other parts of life.

The idea that anything could happen at night was foreign to him. Mikasa wasn’t too bothered by it, either, because no one in the castle would even think about murdering Eren. He had earned their trust.

She needs to adjust her eyes to the darkness – the faint flickering of candles in the hall is not enough for her to make heads or tails of anything in the room. The first thing she sees is his 3DMG. _That’s good,_ she thinks, because there’s no way he’d go out without that.

Until she sees that the bed is empty, his sheets neat. He hadn’t slept in his bed.

Her mind goes all kinds of places immediately, and without caring, she sprints down the hallway and to the rooms of the higher-ranked members. Thoughts going overdrive, she thinks about who to wake up.

 _Levi,_ she says to herself. _Eren is his responsibility; he has to help me find him._

She counts the doors until she reaches the fifth one of the right. Never has she actually been there, but they were taught on one of the first days which door leads to which person, in case of emergencies or other notifications.

Mikasa wants to knock (she’s panicking, but he’s still her commanding officer), but she hears noises from inside and halts herself to hear what’s going on.

It’s Eren.

There’s no way she wouldn’t be able to recognize his voice, no matter how thick the walls. But something’s going on. He doesn’t sound like he should be sounding.

“Levi, please…” he says, through undisguised moans. Subconsciously, she knows what’s going on. It can’t be that, though, can it? Eren hates Levi. He’s unemotional and stern and _short_ , she has heard him complain about the corporal millions of times. At breakfast, at lunch, at dinner, and even when they’re having free time.

There’s absolutely no way.

“What? Am I supposed to read your thoughts and see what you mean with that, kid? Speak up if you want something.”

“I-I want you, stop teasing me dammit!”

Levi complies, if Mikasa has to guess from the grunts and groans and whatever other guttural sounds are coming from the room.

Tears prickle her eyes quicker than she had expected; she grabs onto her sleeves and wiped them away violently, falling down on the stone floor as she tries to keep in her sobs. No one can find her, not like that.

And she really, really doesn’t know what to think or feel. Suddenly things fall together. It seems so stupid now; all the times he had complained, Levi trying to keep him by his side, asking him to do little odd jobs to gain others’ trust (that usually had Eren going to the corporal’s room), the stares, everything. They were simple tidbits that she had chosen to ignore, because she wanted him to like her.

It sounds juvenile even in her mind.

She had known it all along, really. Mikasa was smart – she might not be a genius like Armin, but she was smarter than most people, Eren included. She had known since long ago that Eren didn’t think anything more of her than a sister.

Mikasa pulls up her scarf higher. It hadn’t smelled like Eren in years, but now she wishes it did.

The candles wave from one side to another, and one nearby got blown out by a hefty breeze. She sneers.

* * *

Eren walks up to them the next morning, a large smile tugging at his lips as he throws an arm around both of their shoulders.

“What’s up?” he asks. Armin grins and tells them he is going to assist Hanji that day. He's fairly excited to see what the respectable (albeit weird) scientist had managed to collect on titan data. Eren grumbles and rubs his arm absentmindedly.

“I swear, she’s crazy.” Eren glares at Jean, who is sitting across from Mikasa, mumbling something under his breath. While Eren has no idea what the other had to say, he knew it wasn’t going good. He has been itching for a fight, anyway.

Mikasa sighs. Their table is the same as always. Everyone, no matter how dire their fates really were, looks happy, even while eating the barely acceptable food. She's in no mood to talk to anyone, her feelings still conflicted from the day before.

To make matters worse, Levi walks over with a fresh cup of coffee, “accidentally” bumping into Eren, who was still standing.

“Stop wasting space and sit down, Jaeger.”

“Sorry, I didn’t _see_ you, sir.”

To everyone’s surprise, Levi doesn't bother doing anything to Eren. Mikasa, who had been turned around and watching the exchange, was close enough to see Levi’s hand casually brushing past Eren’s ass… which may have been sticking out a bit (lot) more than it should’ve.

 

Mikasa feels awful.

* * *

“Hey, Mikasa, something wrong? You haven’t been yourself all day.” Eren looks worried. It makes her stomach flutter and her mind triumphant that he was paying enough attention to her to notice that. Instead of answering, instead of saying anything she wants to say, she decides to check something.

“Does he make you happy?”

Eren’s blush and immediate stutter tells her enough. She would be lying if his happiness makes her happy, because she isn’t. She feels miserable.

But it is the first time that she has ever seen him react in such a way. And she won't stand in his way if Levi is the one who truly makes him happy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism is appreciated, I'd love to hear what I could improve on and whatever. I have a bunch of half-finished RiRen fics so I'll probably end up uploading those sometime. Maybe.


End file.
